


the word forget

by arrows



Series: bury something [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Episode 58
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10376259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrows/pseuds/arrows
Summary: (And try to bury something so intense.)Magnus forgets.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place a lil after episode 58. most of the more plot-driven stuff is left intentionally vague; i figure there'll be a fight somewhere in there, but i also figure anything i think up will be rendered not canon by thursday, and griffin will probably come up with something better, anyways, so i'm not trying to guess what'll be canon.
> 
> it's sort of a spiritual sequel to ["watch you disappear into the sun"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10217444), but you definitely don't have to read that one to get this one.
> 
> title is from "role of a lifetime" from bare: a pop opera. (used to be "remember the word forget" before i realized having two fics with "remember" in the title was probs gonna be confusing!)
> 
> warnings: amnesia, mentions of injuries/blood.

Snapshot: a battle. Taako's lost track of who's fighting who — he’s been in plenty of confusing combat before, over the course of the year or two he’s been on this adventuring schtick, but never something that covered an entire moon, and the glowing white eyes covering the sky are more than enough to disorient him /without/ the clang of swords and flashes of magic around him. He sends a magic missile off at someone he thinks is an enemy, and it hits, but he's too wrapped up in his own mind to notice.

The fact is, he isn't sure how they got to this point. One second he and Merle were creating a distraction, trying to hunt down the artifacts (how it had taken so long for them to realize none were truly destroyed is beyond Taako — they may all be self-proclaimed idiots but they're not usually so  _ stupid _ ), and the next there'd been a commotion and weapons pointed and shit had gone to absolute hell.

After shit had gone to hell, the apocalypse had started. All in all, it’s been a pretty confusing two hours.

And then the world stops.

For just a split second, time pauses, as Taako meets familiar eyes across the battlefield. Magnus. He's flesh and blood again and Taako spares a moment to smile, a big toothy grin in stark contrast with the blood smeared across his cheek and the ongoing shouts surrounding them.

Magnus just looks confused.

The remembrance of Magnus' probable amnesia hits Taako like a sack of bricks — and then, something  _ actually _ hits him like a sack of bricks, and the last thing he sees before he goes down is Magnus' face morphing into concern. (He hopes, in that split second, that it means Magnus remembers him, but it's more likely that it's just Magnus' eternally kind heart being concerned for a stranger who might be dying.)

——

He doesn't die.

The pounding headache he finds when he wakes up sorta makes him  _ wish _ he had, in a vague sense, but he's ninety percent sure he wouldn't be feeling that if he was dead. Taako keeps his eyes closed and tries not to wince at how  _ everything _ seems to hurt.

Everything is sort of muffled, but he can make out part of a conversation going on around him — and familiar voices, thank god, because as much as he hates admitting to any feelings, the fact that his friends are still alive is an undeniable relief.

"So, uh — you don't remember anything, big guy?"

"I, um. I dunno. Everything’s sort of fuzzy — what I do know, I mean. So. Not really. Not a lot." A pause. "Sorry."

"It's okay, man, you don't need to apologize. 'Sides, I'm sure this guy—" and another pause, in which Taako is sure Merle is pointing at him, "is gonna have more trouble with all this than good ol' Merle."

"Why?" 

The confusion in Magnus’ voice is palpable, and makes Taako wince, just a little.  _ Because I’m in love with you and you chose to forget me _ . It’d be easy enough to say it, but that’s a little too touchy-feely for Taako, and definitely not how he rolls. His eyes stay shut.

"Well, that’s… complicated. Should prob’ly just let him explain it."

“Oh. Uh, okay.”

Taako is definitely wishing he'd died now. His thoughts are screaming for Kravitz to come and wave his scythe around, slice his soul out or  whatever it is he does, as if the grim reaper could actually hear him — he realizes he's not sure if Kravitz is even around anymore, after last time he’d seen him, and shoves that thought to the back of his mind.

More immediate is the concern of faking his way through the next few minutes. He can worry about everything else later. Preferably much, much later.

A couple exaggerated blinks as his eyes adjust to being open. It's night, and he can make out some trees overhead — not on the moon anymore, then. He wonders how long he’d been out. His relationship with time is already pretty fucked  _ without  _ being knocked unconscious; the addition of a little unintentional sleepy time makes already rocky ground even more unstable.

There’s tree bark under his fingers when he reaches out (sending a shoot of pain up his arm — not broken, but enough to  _ hurt _ ), and leaves crunching under him as he tries and fails to get himself into a sitting position.

He forces himself to look at his friends.

First up, Merle. The dwarf looks a little worse for wear — makeshift bandages cover a few areas, but most of all he seems  _ exhausted _ . The kind of bone-deep tiredness that overrules everything else. Gone is Merle’s usual carefree smile and (often inappropriate) jokes; he looks like he’s spent all of his spell slots on healing the two of them and spared nothing for himself.

Maybe he had. Taako feels something dangerously close to guilt for a split second. Another thing he’ll deal with later.

Looking at Magnus is far harder. In the physical sense, since he has to lean up a little on his arms and turn his head — which  _ should  _ be simple, except for how his body feels like it just got run over by a steam train — but more mentally. He doesn’t know what to expect. It had been a shock, in those past couple days, to look at Magnus and see a mannequin body instead of a friendly face, but at least he knew it was  _ Magnus  _ in there. At least when he stared for too long Magnus’ concerned voice would come out of the mannequin, as if Taako was the one to be worried about, not himself.

Now, he’s not sure.

Magnus looks the same as he always has, pretty much. Same scar over his eye, same dark red hair, growing out of a buzzcut. Same freckles across his nose, barely visible on dark skin in dim lighting unless you know where to look. Taako knows where to look. He’s almost tempted to count them, make sure they’re all still there.

But his eyes aren’t Magnus. They don’t have the same spark, the kind that only comes with having years upon years of memories, heartbreak and joy.

Taako winces, and it has nothing to do with the pain he’s in, and everything to do with Magnus’ gaze landing on him and seeing nothing familiar.

“Hey, guys,” Taako says. It’s weak, as far as greetings go, and his voice cracks a little. “Mind filling me in on some’a the details vis-a-vis how we got from fighting on the moon to chilling in the woods? Not that I  _ mind  _ the change of scene, but.”

He’s met with two matching stares. Merle’s, surprised that Taako is awake (and, probably, surprised at how soon he’s gotten back to talking up a storm, but  _ really _ , who would’ve expected a near-death experience to change that?), and Magnus’, still blank and confused.

“Things got bad,” Merle says, more casually than it probably merits. “You were all unconscious almost dead, this oaf over here was real badly injured, and I was out of spell slots.”

He says it so matter-of-factly, Taako almost doesn’t think to question further. And then he looks up, and sees the moon in the sky, and blurts out another question.

“Makes sense, but how’d we get from way up yonder to way down here?”

“Hijacked one of the launch-y thingies.”

“Oh.”

Taako pushes himself up to sitting against the side of the tree with no small degree of difficulty, and leans forward, resting his chin on his knees. The three of them sit like that for a moment — Merle too tired for words, Taako without anything real to say, and Magnus looking eternally perplexed as he glances between the two of them.

It’s hell. It’s absolute hell, and Taako has to put an end to it.

“Merle, my dude,” he starts, and improvises as he goes. “No offense, buddy, but you look like absolute dragonshit — and, tell anyone I was nice and I’ll kill you, but if you want to take a nap I’ll keep watch over big-and-brainless over there, yeah?”

The silence lags on after he finishes for just long enough to wish he hadn’t said it, but when Merle turns to look at him he seems  _ grateful _ . That’s not a look Taako gets often.

“Thanks, Taako,” says Merle, and he stands and pats Taako on the back and goes to curl up a couple yards away. “Wake me up if anything cool happens!”

So it’s just Taako and Magnus.

Taako tries, honest to god, but he just can’t stop  _ staring _ . It was one thing to imagine what it’d be like, back when it was all hypothetical — seeing Magnus stare at his own cloned body in that weird green goo, telling him how much he’d lose if he took that risk, that all seems a million years ago now. Now, faced with his  _ best friend _ — the guy he  _ loves _ — having no memories of him? 

It might be selfish to wish Magnus hadn’t done this, but Taako’s never claimed to be anything else, and if he had the temporal chalice right now there’s no guarantee he wouldn’t use it to go back and change Magnus’ mind, somehow.

But he can’t change the past. He doesn’t have that kind of magic. Doesn’t have a grand relic. Just this fake Magnus sitting across from him, engaging in some kind of weird staring contest.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Taako snaps. Magnus looks wounded. Taako keeps going, though his voice is more hushed, careful not to wake Merle. “You’re not Magnus. You can’t just  _ sit here  _ and look like him and talk like him and  _ take his place _ . You’re not! You don’t even remember me — or any of us, any of the  _ shit  _ we’ve all been through — you don’t know any of it!”

Magnus opens his mouth as if to interrupt, but Taako just stands, ignoring the way it makes his sore body complain. Leaves crunch under his feet as he starts pacing. “Hell, this is the  _ last  _ time I let myself get attached to anyone, swear to Pan and Istus and whatever the fuck else gods are out there. Y’know, I trusted you, I really did — all that jabber about how I  _ didn’t  _ was just to try to make myself  _ not _ , positive visualization, sorta, and I couldn’t even manage that! I  _ cared  _ about you, and it was just  _ so easy  _ for you to throw it all away! Like, holy shit, you couldn’t have just stayed in that dumb mannequin body ‘til we could find another solution? Noooo, of course not — Magnus rushes in, and all. Fuck that. Fuck all of this! You went all ‘but Taako, those are the arms that held my  _ wife _ ’, and you can’t even  _ remember  _ your dead wife! You can’t even remember  _ anything _ !”

“You can’t even remember  _ me _ .” On that, Taako’s voice gets quieter, and his anger is mixed with something else — heartbreak, maybe? Whatever it is, Taako isn’t going to admit it. Swipes a hand across his face just to be sure there’s no tears welling up there. Refuses to look at not-Magnus.

“Taako.”

The voice comes from much, much closer than Taako was expecting, and when he looks up Magnus is right there, a hand reaching out and not quite landing on Taako’s shoulder. Hesitant. Taako crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “Don’t.”

“Okay.” Magnus takes a step back. Taako refuses to look at him and see that same hurt expression on his face as before. He refuses to think about how nice it would feel to be wrapped in those arms, because it wouldn’t be  _ Magnus  _ hugging him.

He refuses to acknowledge the way his own shoulders are shaking. All of his emotional energy has been spent by yelling at Magnus, and he’s left with this: tears slipping down his dirt-streaked face in front of someone who  _ looks  _ like the man he loves and  _ sounds  _ like the man he loves and doesn’t remember him, at all, not one bit.

“Taako,” Magnus starts again, quieter this time. “Do you want to. Uh. Come sit with me?” A painful, heavy pause. “Please.”

Taako looks up, sees Magnus sitting on a sideways log a few steps away, and does some quick calculations. The log is long enough that he won’t have to be right next to Magnus. If he can avoid touching him — maybe try to trick himself into thinking this is all some kind of fucked up nightmare — then yeah, maybe he can do this.

He sits down gingerly, as far away from Magnus as he can get, and doesn’t look at him. Doesn’t speak.

“I didn’t forget  _ everything _ .”

Taako’s head jerks up, wide eyes suddenly trained laser-sharp on Magnus. A sharp noise claws its way up out of his throat, but no words come out; he waits for Magnus to continue, mouth agape.

“I don’t — I don’t  _ remember  _ either, but it’s not completely gone, I guess. Like, uh. Everything’s blurry, but it’s  _ there _ . And, well, there’s not really a lot of history for us to go off of here — but I feel like I  _ will  _ remember it. Just, uh. A gut feeling, I guess.”

“How much — how much do you remember?”

“Enough to know that I care about you? It’s all fuzzy, but I know  _ you,  _ Taako.”

“Oh.”

Taako can’t force more out than the single syllable, despite how many words are going through his mind. Hell, if Magnus had just  _ told  _ him as soon as he’d woken up, they could’ve avoided that whole meltdown — and yeah, Taako definitely feels bad for yelling at him, now. He thinks he should be relieved that this  _ is  _ his Magnus after all, but it’s still some halfway-there imitation. He doesn’t remember everything. There’s no way for Taako to know how much he  _ does  _ remember. Things are going to be different, and they’d found something pretty good, before — he hates the thought of that changing. Constant change has been a fact of life for Taako for  _ too long _ , and just when he’s found someone he’d be willing to slow down with, fate throws him another curveball.

He misses Magnus, even with him sitting right next to him.

There’s a few seconds that pass in silence, and Taako’s gaze returns to his own hands, resting in his lap, until he feels Magnus tap his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Are — are you okay, Taako?”

There he goes again, with that huge heart and all that  _ concern _ , and it’d make Taako laugh if he wasn’t so close to crying. Instead, he shrugs.

“Can I—?” Magnus trails off, forcing Taako to look up at him. His arms are held out. A familiar offering.

It’s a little embarrassing how quickly Taako takes the bait and moves to be encircled in Magnus’ arms. Magnus’ memories may be faded, but he feels exactly the same, and it’s muscle memory to relax once he’s there — he can hear Magnus’ heart beating in his chest, and, well. Taako’s never been one to preach being grateful for the small things in life, but at least they’re both  _ alive _ . That’s gotta count for something, right?

“Sorry,” he whispers into Magnus’ shirt, soft enough that he doubts the other man can hear. Gets a soft hum in response.

“‘S’okay. We’re gonna make it through this, alright?”

Taako looks up at him, and sees a flicker more Magnus in his eyes than a few minutes ago. It’s somehow worth a lot.

“Yeah, my man.” There’s definitely some tears on his face, but rather than wipe them away, he buries his face back into Magnus’ shirt. Running mascara is a problem for future Taako.

The sun comes up over the horizon at some point, and they stay where they are, embracing on a log in a forest, a war going on in the stars above them.

It’s far from perfect, but at least there’s hope.

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism is always appreciated! let me know if you see any glaring mistakes; i wrote most of this on the subway (so i couldn't relisten to parts of the episodes to fact check) and it's unbetaed.
> 
> hit me up on tumblr @[dealwarlock](http://dealwarlock.tumblr.com) or twitter @[johnIaurens](http://twitter.com/johniaurens)! i'm always happy to chat about adventure zone.


End file.
